My Heart Cry

Oh Lord have mercy on us weary sinners.

If God asked you, “What are you willing to give up to be close to me?” what would you say?

He asked me and I know what I would say because I said it.

I would say that it is so hard. To live like that. To honor the Lord in everything that you say, everything that you do, every thought that you think, and every way that you move. To live and breathe to honor the Lord. It’s a task that, to my weary soul, seems close to impossible.

My little heart is being pushed and pulled and moved by the Holy Spirit. What I want most right now, in this season of my life, is to thrive not just survive. Everyday I go to school and go to work and I see people who go about life just because life is what they have to live. But I don’t want to live like that! I don’t want to just survive. I am so sick of contentment. I am so tired of being okay with the flow. I am weary of living life in the same sin and the same routine.
I want to live a gracious life that shines forth the glory of the Lord so that people will know that it is not from anything that I have done, but only because of the grace of God and the death of my Savior Jesus Christ that I am who I am.

My heart cry is to honor the Lord but my flesh tries to stifle the sound. My heart longs for more grace and more love, but my flesh fights for sameness and loneliness. My heart yearns to know the Lord better and better, but my flesh tells me that I am enough. My heart yells at my flesh, “Enough!”, but my flesh laughs at it. My soul sees a dark world in need of light, but my flesh tell me that it is what it is and will continue to be. My heart mourns the flesh and my flesh looks away in smug disregard.

Oh Lord, help me to fight the good fight for I know that it is worthy of the death of your one and only Son, Jesus. Help me to fight my flesh, to fight my sin. God, help me to see beyond myself and my own circumstances. Holy Spirit help me to see the error of my ways and to pursue righteousness and honor. Father, help me to stand and press forward when my feet tell me it is time to stop.

Give me strength.
Give me purpose.
Give me love.

This is my heart cry.